Pondering at Fifteen

I hit a rabbit with my car tonight.

I was in the middle of darkness (on a highway in the middle of Utah), broken only by two cones of yellow (my headlights).
I saw a large splotch of white (the rabbit) jump through the light.
I saw two red circles (the rabbit’s eyes.)
I felt my passenger front wheel jump over the rabbit.

I wish the wheel had jumped over the rabbit. It hit the rabbit straight on. For a split instant, I could feel the wheel contour the rabbit’s curved body. I think I shrieked, but I may have not. By the time I caught my breath I was a mile away.

I figured one of three things had happened.
1) The rabbit was not dead. The bump I felt was merely the rabbit passing under the non-wheeled portion of my car. After I passed, he continued jumping down the road with minor scratches and bruises. (This did not happen.)
2) My wheel had hit the rabbit head on. The rabbit died instantly and flew to the side of the road. It was snowing that night, so by morning, he’ll have a blanket of snow to keep him warm in his eternal slumber.
3) I had hit the rabbit in a non-lethal place, such as his (or her, or her pregnant with several children) legs. He spent the next several hours in the most excruciating pain which wasn’t relieved until too much blood was pumped out his open wounds or until another car hit him in the head. Either way, by the time I eat breakfast tomorrow, he would be dead.

I wanted Option 2, but my paranoia allowed no other Option than 3. As I drove farther down the highway, abandoning my victim to a greater and greater degree, I desired nothing more than to turn the car around, drive back to the scene of the crime and put him out of his misery.

But I did not.
I kept driving until I got home. Then I brushed my teeth and went to bed. As I lay, the light spots that remain when I close my eyes were all colored red. The rabbit’s eyes rocked me to sleep. In the red I could see the burning afterlife that awaited me.
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But all that was two months ago. I figured out that the watery surface of the rabbit’s eyes was reflecting the color of my car (red). And now, the only place those eyes shine now is in my mind. So I suppose the rabbit found its afterlife in me. Now, it’s up to me to ensure that his afterlife is a good one. It may not be heaven, but I do the best I can.